InsaneJournal

my hd_holidays fic was...
So the reveal has gone up. I do plan to archive this (on my insanejournal and Hex) in the near future, but for now here's the link:

my hd_holidays fic was:
A Good Man Harry/Draco NC-17

ETA: updated my index over at Slashcity and put up A Good Man there as well (cleaned up SPAG and made other minor fixes - Read this version;)

This was probably the most involved and most emotionally draining fic I've ever written. I also think it is some of my best writing and storytelling to date. It has extremely heavy themes. Harry takes Draco on as his slave in order to spare him from Azkaban. There is non-con in it, but it's not Death Eater or Retribution violent non-con. It progresses to dub-con and then becomes consensual. It's a psychological romance and there is genuine remorse. If you can't stand any angst or any heavy themes in general, then nope, this isn't the fic for you. No hard feelings. If you do like an angstful story now and then and aren't too sure about a non-con or slave!fic, then I'd ask you to give it a try. My feeling is that this fic is really a hurt/comfort at heart.

I'd like to post it to an appropriate comm so that it will find its target audience. If anyone has any good suggestions, please let me know.

When I do my archiving I'll add my proper beta thank you's to the header etc., but right now I need to make sure I thank Thevina for the awesome beta and support because my insecurity level on this fic was beyond my norm. Also C.Dumbledore and MrsQuizzical for the gamma read through, especially since this is not your type of story. It's one of the longest stories I've ever written and needed the extra eyes.

In the comments to this fic, I was asked a number of questions and since I did quite a lot of thinking on this novella, I decided to type up some notes and commentary.


A Good Man: Story notes

A Little Background:
I started thinking about this story just after DH. The idea was a depressed and lost Harry taking on a Draco as a slave. It would focus on both of them being fairly damaged and having an extremely messed up relationship but then helping each other, grow, heal and even embark on a genuine romance. The initial concept also included having the master be the inexperienced one and the slave using his sexual experience to control the situation as well as the idea of non-con/dub-con in which the aggressor (Harry) would still be sympathetic. I started mapping out a story and a few scenes but then jordangrant came out with Owned and I started reading along and enjoying it and I thought that I don't really need to write a slave fic now (and I think I even commented to her as much). Her story; however, was completely different in that it has Harry as a reluctant owner and Draco is under an ancestral curse and has memory loss as well as spell controlled behavior. About the only thing in common was that Harry was the master and Draco the slave. Still, I shelved my fic. (her fic is still WIP and is fun - do check it out)

Then a couple months later I got my hd_holidays prompt. The recipient wanted a dark fic featuring a Dark!Harry and that the boys should have a messed up relationship that somehow worked out in the end. I brainstormed for a while, but then decided to resurrect my slave fic. I used a lot of her kinks & prompts to help me fill out the story. If one were to look at her request one would see how she was getting a story written for her. Then in Murphy's Law fashion, the chick quit the fest at the turn in date. My fic was already written (27,500 words). I was pretty disappointed and I really didn't have it in me to write another. The mods were great and it got re-gifted to another participant who liked "dark!Harry" and she was most gracious but I still have a bad feeling about the whole thing and this may be my last fic exchange of this size. (It's so big and the drop out rate so big as well.)

Notes:
The story is from the POV of damaged Harry. He's in a deep depression and in a bit of a fog after the war. I didn't intend it to formally be Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder, but there are certainly shades of that. He's been through so much is in a bit of trough after the peek of the final battle. He's fulfilled the prophesy. Now what? He's lost and uncertain of where the myth ends and he "the person" begins. He is also mired in the grief and anger that he's been repressing for most of his adolescence.

Partially driven by guilt and partially by his own desperation, he takes on Draco as his slave and it only fuels his anger and darker feelings. Harry also has become aware of his sexuality and is in a spiral of self hatred regarding that as well. Harry really isn't much of a master. His nature isn't to dominate or discipline. The only punishment for Draco is heat of the moment provoked. Harry is quite naive and he thinks that Draco is just going follow the rules because he sets them.

(Most asked question:) The post trauma depression and memory loss is an experience that I've talked about with a number of my friends who have first hand experience. After horrible trauma or grief/loss they were in a fog and have very limited memory of the time surrounding it. One of my best friends lost her father in February of our senior year in high school. We talked about it years later and she didn't remember such huge events as our Sr. Play, Prom, or Graduation. She was there, but has no detailed memories from his death until about September when she moved away and started college.

Draco has been through a horrible time the last two books and then I had him also go through a rough stint in Azkaban where he was a victim of rape and violence. I wasn't sure at first about giving Draco that background, but I really wanted Draco to be almost broken and have the motivation to accept Harry's offer of enslavement. A big thing for me was that I also wanted Draco to maintain his personality. He was not giving up without a fight. He antagonizes Harry quite a bit, but as their relationship develops it turns to raw honesty and confronting Harry with the truth.

There's growing sexual tension on Harry's part based on his own confusion, self hatred and the information contained within the books regarding Wizard Slaves and sexual services. Acting on it becomes the forbidden fruit in some ways. It's there for the taking legally but it becomes a question of morality. He fights it but the breaking point comes when he finds that Draco has brewed the potion to control him. The rape scene purposely has a strange disconnect. Harry romanticizes it. It is non-violent (other than the forced sex itself). My feeling is that makes it even more chilling, both originally and in retrospect. I also made a point to have Draco say "Don't do this/this isn't you" and make his pleas such that it seems that he realizes that Harry has lost it.

Shortly after, they come to an agreement of dubious consent. My opinion is that Draco has agreed in his own best interest of survival as well as I do think he has always harbored some sort of feelings for Harry. Draco is also sexually experienced and comfortable with his sexuality and knows that Harry is not. He wants to use this to his advantage and he does.

One of the things I consciously did was to have the sexual progression be reverse of what most young people do. Most of us start out by exploring others bodies (and letting others explore ours) with touch. As virgins we tend to start with hand jobs move on to oral sex and then to penetration. Harry doesn't understand his homosexuality. He thinks of man/woman sex as intercourse and thinks that anal intercourse must be the male/male counterpart. It's Draco who shows him about his body and the many different ways to elicit pleasure. Draco helps Harry explore his own body and his own sexuality. In my head, this is also helping Harry to become more in touch with himself as an individual.

Over time they start to get to know each other, work together and open up to each other. They become companions and soon consensual lovers. Harry brings Draco into his life among his friends, they start to get out and "date". Through the use of the Pensieve, Draco not only sees Harry's POV but helps Harry face his past and put it in perspective. They both start living and pursuing happiness.

One of my favorite scenes that shows the tide has turned is their fight over going to the Weasleys. Draco confronts Harry about the "slave" issue (and continues to do so until the end). Their instinct has become to apologize to each other. They no longer want to hurt each other. They also admit their feelings in the only way they can.

Harry's insecurities keep him from releasing Draco. He doesn't want to be alone and hasn't fully recovered. Their relationship deepens, they learn to live together and appreciate one another. They learn to love and be kind to each other. Harry begins to realize he can no longer ignore the elephant in the room, but still he fights it. When they argue and Draco realizes that Harry truly doesn't remember the rape he forces Harry to view it in the Pensieve. This is devastating to Harry, he sees himself as a monster this is the catalyst to set Draco free, no matter the consequences to himself.

In the end when Harry has given up, Draco fights for what he has and convinces Harry that despite the absurdity of their circumstances, they did have something real and worth keeping.